burrito day

Information

Today is Wednesday, which is Burito day (because there's nothing else left in the fridge). Simple, 3 step instructions that the back of the packet assured me a child with brain damage and spinadifoda could follow. I also had a packet of Fajita 'wrappers', and a can of refried beans (which tastes suspiciously like the 'Egg and Bacon' ration from an army 'C' rat. pack. So I thought I might create some of those too.

Method

  1. Brown the mince. The packet fails to mention that excess heat will cause the meat to fuse to the bottom of the frying pan, and billow smoke. I would have been watching the meat, of course, had I not been fucking with the Fajita wrappers, which had glued themselves together into a single glob. Separating these by hand was hopeless, so I employed the use of a knife. Which just shredded the Fajitas and sliced open my thumb. (Yum. Blood and torn Fajita confetti. So I threw Fajita all around the kitchen, until one landed on the gas burner and set itself alight. With all the smoke, spluttering mince, and shrieking, it almost seemed like the fun fun fun days in the army cadets...)
  2. Douse the stovetop in water, and dredge soggy fajita from the sink, stove, blacked mince, behind the fridge... One is still missing (according to the headcount given on the packet), no doubt that'll turn up later. In anger, open the refried beans, stew them into a chunky pulp (it's so chumpy, you can carve it into little balls of crap), and bung them in the microwave. Six minutes on high - I want that fucking shit HOT for my Buritos. Drain the mince (also blanketed with water during the firefight operation).
  3. Open Burito wrappers. Thankfully not glued together. Realise that the exploding sounds are coming from the microwave, and not the television. Three and a half minutes to detonation. I open the microwave, get splattered, curse a bit, survey the inside. Completely coated. Remove bowl of expired refried, combusted beans. Minus oven glove. Drop bowl. Swear. In a fit of rage, _kick_ the bowl of beans. Now my floor is bean coated too.
  4. Dump mince in bowl. Cover in Old El Paso Salso (blistering hot flavour). Wad burito wrappers into the mess. Curse at bean mess. Beans respond to abuse by attempting to slip me up as I storm to the lounge to eat. Food is blisteringly hot, and tastes like Gringo shit. Philosophy about the point of cooking at all ensues....

Credits

This recipe was received via email from a friend who shall remain nameless. Copyright belongs to him/her.

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