domestic abuse

Rather than (excuse the cliched pun) re-invent the wheel, the resources on this page are based on or summaries of a number of resources. The content of this page is not original to grudknows.com nor is it the property of grudknows.com.

Modfications: I've removed any gender specific text as anyone can be the victim of domestic violence - man, woman or child. I've also redone the images (If you want to save and use the versions of images that I've recreated and provided on this page... there's no need to ask for permission, just go ahead and use them.)

The power wheel

I once upon a time came across this on the 'net when I was about to lose someone important in my life to domestic violence (isolation/manipulation) - AND - as I had nothing left to lose I wrote a long letter sharing my concerns and feelings and inserted this chart to provide examples of non-physical abuse. (I highlighted the items I thought applied to his/her situation - there were lots of highlights).

The chart is an excellent summary of domestic abuse and makes it clear that abuse is not just physical aches and pains. It can cause loss of friends, self respect, control... all valuable comodities that take a lot of work to get back once you have let them slip away.

Sexual Abuse sex on demand or sexual withholding; physical assaults during sexual intercourse; spousal rapes or non-consensual sex; sexually degrading language; denying reproductive freedom; sexual criticism; jealousy and anger that assumes you would have sex with anyone

Physical Abuse biting/scratching; slapping/punching; kicking/stomping; throwing objects at another; locking another in a closet or utilizing other confinement; sleep interference and/or deliberately exhausting the partner with unreasonable demands and lack of rest; deprivation of heat or food; shoving another down steps or into objects; assaults with weapons such as knives/guns/other objects

web resources

Many resources are targeted at women rather than at both genders because abuse to males is still not widely recognised while domestic abuse of women and children has been recognised and the focus of many campaigns for a much longer period of time.

• Mental Health Journal: What is emotional abuse? (has links to 'what is physical abuse?', etc.
• Domestic violence/emotional Abuse: not gender specific
• Help Guide: Domestic Violence and Abuse: Types, Signs, Symptoms, Causes, and Effects
• Google Search - power and control wheel
• the wheel of power and control - information about the wheel - for all genders (non-gender specific descriptors are used) - worth a look as it defines sexual and physical abuse and has some additional/different items for other categories.
• Other Power Wheels - advocacy/support for victims; children coping with family violence; community accountability; equality wheel; family violence in later life; immigrant power and control wheel; lesbian/gay power and control wheel; miliary power and control wheel; natural life supporting wheel; police perpetrated domestic violence; women's substence abuse; successful collaboration wheel; teen power and control wheel; three circles power and control wheel; violence against native women.
• Women's rural advocacy programs - the wheel, information on what abuse, types of abuse, warning signs, myths, etc.
• battered men
• teen power and control wheel - peer pressure; anger/emotional buse; using social status; intimidation; threats; sexual coercion; isolation/exclusion
• love is not abuse - Love is not abuse program provides informationa nd tools athe men, women, children, teens and corporate executives can use to learn more about the issue of domestic violence and find out how they can help end this epidemic.

The abuser may

• believe they have a right to control their partners by telling them what to do and expecting obedience
• show extreme jealousy and want to keep their partner isolated.
• "track" all of your time
• believe they have a right to control their partners by feeling their partners have no right to challenge their desire for power and control
• have an inability to cope with stress and shows a lack of impulse control. (This may not necessarily appear outside the home)
• have a poor self-image and blames others for his/her problems.
• believe they have a right to control their partners by blaming the abuse on the partner and not accepting responsibility for wrongful acts
• discourage your relationships with family and friends
• show severe mood swings.
• believe they have a right to control their partners by using force to maintain power and control over partners
• criticise you for little things
• humiliate you in front of others
• control all finances and force you to account in detail on what you spend
• hit, punch, slap, kick or bite you or the children/pets
• use or threaten to use a weapon against you
• threaten to hurt you the children/pets
• believe they have a right to control their partners by feeling justified making the victim comply
• force you to have sex against your will
• have a history of abuse in his/her own family