Life Tips

These tips have been road tested by real people.

Collecting

Do not EVER tell anyone that you'd quite like to collect something. Especially before you're about to turn 30. Ms Boot

Clothing/Attire

It is possible to fix hems with masking tape or a stapler.

Always wear sensible shoes, you never know where you might end up. MP

Food and Beverages

Don't scull black sambucas. Ever. It's not worth the dry cleaning bill. Ms Boot

As I always say, 'Everything tastes better with bacon'. Simon

Selling things

Don't sell your old lawn-mower to family or friends. anonymous

Building your house

If purchasing a block of land, ensure soil testing has been done and you receive a complete report.
Before finalising purchase check utilities are in appropriate location and if not investigate what the extra cost may be for additional cabling and underground work.
When the builder fucks up... and... inevitably they will... take photos of 'fuck up' and get their word in writing or on tape if you're sneaky enough that they will fix the problem should it re-appear after hand-over.
Always allow 30% more in finances than initially anticipated... sad... but reality.
Finally once your expensive project is complete be sure to maintain and nurture it, and feel bloody proud of your achievement because if the building process doesn't kill you it will certainly make your stronger. I mean I like feel like King Kong, well most days.
Constantly police the dwelling to ensure construction is taking place according to plan and don't be afraid to question anything no matter how small if you are unsure.
If you have a "Duddy" like I did that constantly breathed down the builder's throat, it's a bloody bonus, because at the end of the day they will try to get away with short cuts and take advantage of the female in terms of believing that we wouldn't know the difference anyway...My builder was in for a big shock and I'm still giving them grief.

naming your children

Never name your child anything that works well in the sentence, '[Name] to check out number 5, [Name] check out number 5' (to of course be said in a tone generally heard over supermarket PA systems).

For that matter, think twice about giving them any name that might be found on the cover of a porn movie.

Communication

When your friends family are sick or dying, by all means ask how they are... but ask how your friend is first... they might have added stress in their life as a result - and anyway... it's nice to ask how they are before checking on everyone else.

Pain

Don't fall over. It hurts. Ms Boot

Escape routes

If you go into a laundromat and it is unattended, and you are not sure when it closes, shove a shoe in the door. (Modern establishments can have automatic locking).

Ironing

No matter how tempting it is to use the iron to smooth a wrinkle after you put some thing on, don't.

Coding

White space is the enemy. Simon