ICOM - Where it all started

Firstly I would like to thank everyone for their patience ad well wishes during the "belly button" incident and apologize for the lateness of this post, "belly button lint takes down ICOM-9 agent", who would have thunk it.I am sure by this time you have all had a chance to read and absorb Agent Snodgrass's post, maybe a few of you have even started to arm yourselves with some super skills ie. thwaking, nittle-nittle and jiggling.

ICOM-9 division leader Mysterious Cat Things (MCT) has decided before we get into the nitty gritty of battle details that you should all be made aware of both organizations involved in this this war and a basic organizational structure of both.

International Confederate of Mystification (ICOM)

ICOM was founded in 1952 by the late great Tinkerbell (Tinks for short) who hailed from the North of Adelainia (but not so far north as to be crass).

In late 1951 Tinks embarked on love affair with a young tom called Gimlet, and like most females of this era felt content conforming with the social expectations of a young feminine felines of the 50's, however by early 1952 after having bore several young to the handsome tom in her life Tinks became dissatisfied and suspicious of Gimlet, thinking that he maybe seeing other pussies behind her back and having been born under an inquisitive sign Tinks set about finding the truth.

Tinks started to follow Gimlet and soon discovered that he had been tom-catting all over town, however his infidelity and the huge amount of offspring that had been a result of this was not the most disturbing thing that Tinks would discover, for during her now obsessive investigation of Gimlet it became clear that something very sinister was afoot.

Gimlet had plans for world domination, and had set about creating an army in his own image. It is believed that on his journeys to Asia Gimlet had learned ancient and terrifying torture techniques and was now training his army with these in the guise of protecting his young by teaching the self-defense.

Being careful not to let on that she was aware of his plan Tinks set enlisted the help of 9 of her fellow victims, with assistance she put an end to Gimlets reign of terror, from this came the creation of ICOM, to this day a direct descendant of Tinks holds top chair in ICOM and each of the 9 divisions is controlled by offspring of the 9 other co-founders, ICOM and its divisions world tirelessly stamp out evils like Gimlet.

Criminals Rebel Against People Power (CRAPP)

While details on the identity of the leader of CRAPP are sketchy it is believed that the leader is a women and can be tracked back the the original evil who's existence resulted in the creation of the ICOM organization, it is not known however if this was in the form of an owner or just an obsessive cat person who believed that the world would function better under the rule of a feline leader, it is know though that the leader of CRAPP is affiliated with or has a fascination for the footwear industry, this is due to the mark that they leave behind after a great act of terror.

The symbol has not been narrowed down to a specific form of footwear but ICOM believes that this holds they key to stopping the CRAPP, for ease of identification the leader of CRAPP will be referred to as The Footwear Baroness (TFB) in all future communications.

CRAPP uses petty criminals and thugs to further it's cause, in return for their services CRAPP helps keep the law of their backs and provides intensive training in Thwacking, Nittle-Nittle and Jiggling. We can only pray that the CRAPP is stopped before they can achieve total zombification of the human race.

Labels: ICOM

Posted by Agent Snedlington : Sunday, July 23, 2006
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I.C.O.M. - Truth is stranger than fiction

It's risky work, this. Due to an unforseen complication arising from directed bellybutton lint extraction, Agent Snedlington is unable to submit her report. She has received medical treatment and is recovering well.

I have recovered valuable organisational information which will help us infiltrate the neighbourhood menace. On my return to active duty I plan to submite a detailed report. Agent Snedlington out.

We wish Agent Snedlington a speedy recovery and look forward to her debriefing us with her hard-won intel ...

Labels: ICOM

Posted by Agent Snodgrass : Monday, July 17, 2006
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I.C.O.M. - Curiosity didn't kill the cat

It has recently come to our attention that there are other struggles between good and evil that don't always make the headlines.

There are a multitude of ordinary Australians who toil tirelessly to keep us safe, defeating insidious threats that, in most circumstances, do nothing more than keep us from sleep occasionally. To dismiss them as mere nuisances, though, would be somewhat naive ... Don't despair, though, fellow compatriots, enlightenment is nigh; however be warned that what you are about to read is an assault on the senses and, more disturbingly, the basis on which society endures.

On a temperate February evening this year, a hitherto unknown black feline made herself known to us. We had previously perceived her to be a common household pet and a sometime source of entertainment, together with the requisite responsibility of owning a pet. More specifically, we were under the impression that jiggling [1], thwacking [2] and nittle-nittle [3] were her way of punishing us and extracting the most annoyance in exchange for the least amount of physical effort. After a full debriefing (some of whose contents cannot be revealed at this stage) our outlook became solemn and sombre; not all was as it seemed... The biggest relevation to date has been that jiggling, thwacking and nittle-nittle are, in fact, ancient techniques of torture and that our friendly intrepid feline agent was simply trying to acclimatise us in case we became unwitting subjects to interrogation. The names of all parties have been altered in the interests of case integrity, however the events are real [4].

Prithee, dear reader, keep an open mind as we introduce you to a tangled world of deception, deceit and malevolence, cloaked in stealth, silence and the resolute indifference that typically appears on the faces of our counterparts in the animal kingdom.

In recent times our intelligence and reconnaissance efforts have redoubled. We have more agents per capita than ever before. There exists a sophisticated posse of criminals, bourne from a incoherent community less fortunate than the norm --some might have considered them simple outsiders in their more innocent days. Their master plan, as we understand it, is to achieve world domination through ancient sleep deprivation torture techniques, resulting in complete zombification of the human race. They are cleverly leveraging their psychosomatic manipulation by using the Stockholm Syndrome.

As we speak, the agents of International Confederate of Mystification are deep under cover and, in subsequent posts we will disclose information at hand concerning the parties involved, their exploits, and their profiles. Contingencies have been put in place in case of our untimely disappearance so you, the conscientious citizen, can stay informed.


-- [1] Jiggling should not be attempted by those without a penchant for strange bodily configurations and perhaps a flea problem. It refers to the side-effect of scratching one's neck, rapidly, with one's hind legs whilst on a relatively unstable platform such as an ordinary bedroom mattress. If you are unsure what this implies, try it whilst your bedmate is attempting to sleep.

[2] To embark on your quest to perfect the ancient torturous art of thwacking, you must, without closing your mouth, try to suck the moisture off your tongue, inhale, and, with your mouth, form the phrase "thwack-thwack-thwack" simultaneously. Note that the voicebox must NOT be used. Do this as many times in succession as possible before physical harm befalls you. Some species of domestic cat are known to preen themselves using this technique however this is pure coincidence.

[3] Nittle-nittle is considered the pinnacle of thwacking, and should only be attempted by those with either a sanctioned black-belt in thwacking. Alternatively it can be practised by thwackers with a sense of adventure, provided they sign a waiver of liability and clear all foreign objects from their immediate environ. The nittle-nittle is accomplished by removing the "th" sound from the aforementioned thwacking technique, increasing speed by a six-fold minimum and generally aiming for "Hannibal Lecter does A Very Chipmunk Christmas". Unconfirmed sources have claimed that true nittle-nittle grand masters have sustained nittle-nittle at speeds of 20x, with bursts to 35x standard thwacking speed (STS).

[4] Maybe.

Labels: Food, ICOM

Posted by Agent Snodgrass : Sunday, July 09, 2006
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Shoulda-Coulda-Woulda

Don't you hate it when you're told of exciting things that are 'coming soon' on a webpage that is dated about 6 months ago.

If you're a website owner and are contemplating using the term 'coming soon' or 'under construction', just don't do it. Don't.

It's a little bit like hearing there'll be new bloggers joining in the grudknows mania and turning up only to find the same (lovely) people.

I'm waiting.

Labels: ICOM

Posted by boot : Saturday, July 08, 2006
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